NBA All-Star Weekend is well underway and while I don't really care about sports (unless it's dragging racist pundits for attacking King James), I do love the idea of assembling an all-star team from franchises you truly love be it athletes, superheroes...or even better Bravo's Real Housewives. In the spirit of competition, I couldn't help but put together a dynamic roster of castmembers, one from each franchise. Here is my Dream Team of Real Housewives...
Women are badasses. If you don't believe me, turn on your nearest television, if you don't find Congressman Maxine Waters dragging Captain Cheeto with finesse that makes even the Atlanta Housewives jealous, you'll find others organizing protests, saving lives and handling all the things.
Television is filled with nasty women, kicking ass in their own special ways. On International Women's Day, it's an empowering reminder to do the same in whatever way you can.
Here are 8 nasty women television would be lost without...
In a Dubai hotel suite in more luxurious and sprawling than actual castles, six women bicker about the schedule of a chronically ill woman.
In a Jamaican resort, a grown woman berates another for being passed over for a job opportunity.
In a beach house in Maryland, one woman insults another for allowing her husband and owner of the house to stay the night during a “girl’s weekend.”
These incidents of cringe-worthy pettiness have all taken place on various editions of Bravo’s The Real Housewives’ series--Beverly Hills, Atlanta and Potomac, respectively. If what used to make for addictive, live-tweetable television now feels like an exasperating, brain cell killing waste of time, you may have Housewives Fatigue.
Unlike overpriced Hermes handbags, every season of Bravo's "The Real Housewives" has its own unique in its own over-the-top, captivating flare. The women of New York are neurotic, anxiety-driven whack-a-doodles who talk so fast and so much that they can insult each other without the others realizing it until hours later. The Beverly Hills wives are so deliciously connected that every conversation feels like a behind-the-scenes tell-all come to life. Atlanta offers the best catchphrases ("Fix it, Jesus"; "Gone With The Wind Fabulous"; "Bloop") and supportive friendships.
However, every franchise is built on a catty, insecure, zany foundation that's vintage Housewives, and it must be celebrated! If you are 21 and over, you can play Small Screen Girl's Real Housewives Drinking Game! An since Housewives diets are more regulated than American gun sales, you can trade alcohol for bites of your favorite carby or chocolaty treat, if you're underage, don't like alcohol or just hungry! #DrinkResponsibly
Take a drink or a bite if the following happens:
There is a montage of a Housewife's gigantic and impeccably decorated home.
A Housewife is frazzled during the set-up of a party, even though the caterers and event planners are doing all of the work.
A few Housewives decide that a glamorous party or a charity event is the perfect time to hash out their problems. It does not go well.
A tiny disagreement between two Housewives becomes an episodes-long fiasco with people taking sides and possible hashtags (#whatdidHarrydo #tablegate #scaryisland).
Small Screen Girl
I am an unabashed pop culture and TV-aholic with no plans to ever seek treatment. Explore this blog and see just how deep my obsession goes.